


How Not to Ask Someone Out - Provided by Octavius

by WolfMeister



Category: Night at the Museum (Movies)
Genre: Funny, I just don't know, M/M, Pick-Up Lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 19:10:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4576347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfMeister/pseuds/WolfMeister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Octavius finds pick-up lines and uses them on Jed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Not to Ask Someone Out - Provided by Octavius

**Author's Note:**

  * For [slythwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slythwolf/gifts).



> and jademe13 on tumblr for helping come up with this  
> and guardianofiiepwop because they totally deserve it

He had been searching all over the internet to find out a good way to ask Jedediah out. So far none of the sites he has been on seemed like they would work, except this one.

Pick-up lines.

A long list of them.

Guaranteed to work.

Maybe he should try some of them.

******

“Howdy Octavius!” Jedediah greets. Now seems like a perfect time to try out one of those pick-up lines.

“Hey Jedediah,” he responds. “Can you feel this? Can you feel my cape?” Jed reaches out and grabs it.

“Yeah, what about it?”

“It’s boyfriend material,” Octavius replies, completely straight-faced. Jed starts laughing so hard that he falls to his knees, clutching his stomach. Well, that didn’t seem to work.

*****

The next night, Octavius decides to try a different line. So in the middle of a conversation, he goes for it.

“Can I punch you in the face?” he asks. Jed gives him a very concerned look. “With my lips?” The tiny cowman face palms and just walks away. Octavius is going to have to leave some comments about these pick-up lines.

*****

Octavius walks up behind Jed. He makes sure Jed is facing him before licking his finger and placing it on the Texan’s shoulder. Jedediah looks confused.

“We have to get you out of those wet clothes,” Octavius states. Jedediah loses it and rolls on his back, laughing his ass off. The Roman general’s eyebrows knit together. He doesn’t understand why these pick-up lines aren’t working.

*****

“Your eyes are blue, like the ocean,” Octavius starts.

“What in tarnation?” Jedediah whispers.

“And baby, I am lost at sea,” the Roman finishes. Jed just stares, not sure how to respond.

“What—“ Jed just doesn’t have the words.

*****

“Do you have a Band-Aid?” Octavius wonders, walking up to Jed.

“Why? What happened?” Jed asks, concern filling his voice.

“Because I scrapped my knees falling for you.” The blond sighs. He is 100% done with this shit.

*****

Octavius goes back to the website and leaves a comment on it (after summoning the Apparatus of course):

None of these pick-up lines worked AT ALL!!! Most of them ended with the person laughing!!!

He turns from the computer, fuming, and sees Jedediah looking up at the screen, an amused smile plastered on his face.

“Pick-up lines? Really?” Jed says. Octavius’ face goes bright red. “Ya know,” Jed looks at Octavius, “it doesn’t count if the person already likes you.”

“Y-you like me…?”

“Of course I do, ya great buffoon! And yes, you can punch my face with your lips,” he adds, mocking one of the pick-up lines. Octavius chuckles before pulling Jedediah into a passionate kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> some of the pick-up lines are found on pickup-lines.net


End file.
